Telling someone to stop doing anything will only result in one thing: they will stop doing it IN FRONT OF YOU.
This has nothing to do with what you believe is right or wrong. Telling someone that you don’t like what they are doing – in other words, you disapprove of their actions/words – will not make them stop that action or speech, IF THEY ARE BEING URGED TO DO SO FROM WITHIN.
Therefore, you have only one question to ask yourself: ‘Would you rather they did it in front of you/with you knowing about it or they did it behind your back?‘ OR you may ask yourself: ‘Would you rather they have the freedom to be themselves – mistakes and all – in front of you or that they only show you a side of them that you approve of?’
When someone feels the urge from within to do something – whether from the mind or spirit, they will do it, no matter how long it takes. That is the only way to satisfy/fulfill that urge. You might say they have no control over it, yet they still have control over whether to follow the urge or not.
The only time they may not follow the urge is if they feel from within (whether from the mind or the spirit, opposing the other) that they shouldn’t do it. This will depend on the part of them they are more connected to and follow.
SHOULD I NOT CORRECT BAD BEHAVIOUR THEN?
This doesn’t mean you should not speak up when you think your child or anyone you know is behaving badly but you have to be at a place where you act on this from within.
You may use these initials to guide you:
AEWF – Always enquire within, first.
TFTP – Then follow the prompting.
If you follow these initials in everything, you will rarely go wrong.
Chances are that in trying to rush into correcting or discipline, you will follow what your mind tells you is right or wrong, based on your own conditioning and not from an authentic place. What you believe is wrong or what is wrong for you may not be for someone else, including your child. The only way you will know which is which, is when you work with those initials above, as a guideline.
WHAT HAPPENS IF I CORRECT FIRST AND FIND OUT I WAS WRONG?
You retrace your steps. Apologise, if needed. Explain and discuss things as often as possible. Let there be openness and trust between everyone involved. Let your children know that you are not immune to making mistakes too and when you do, you are able to own up to it and retrace your steps/apologise/have a conversation about it or all of the above.
Again, in doing this, you also have to follow the initials above. Some things will call for a conversation, other things won’t. There is only one way to find out the best way. Knowing your child will also help you to know what they need, each time – not what you think they should get.
Get to know your children and their path (Like yours, it evolves and gets clearer each day they stay on it) and follow each one with these in mind, doing what is best for each one.
YOU CANNOT CONTROL THEM
It is difficult for a parent/guardian/society in general to accept this, mentally or put into practice but you will realise that no matter how much you want to, you cannot control them or anyone. As mentioned above already, the only outcome in you trying to control is getting children who are different with you and being themselves elsewhere.
You must realise that as they have their paths to walk, they will learn some things from your words/actions and other things from their own experience.
The wisest thing you can teach your children is to learn to connect with their spirit and follow the initials above. Still, you cannot make them do so. Sometimes, they will and sometimes they may not – just like you. But you will have to entrust them onto their path and trust that Spirit is with them, calling them.
Be there whenever you are needed. Do what you can when you can. Let go of expectations of any kind and attachment to them, so that what they do or don’t do doesn’t affect you to the point of leaving the place of your own Spirit. You will neither be helping them nor yourself when you do.